Oh no! What did I do?

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May 08

It's Stephanie. OMG, can I say that I have tried to be so good with my finances. But I broke down... I bought a trip to Jamaica!! And it wasn't cheap, but then again, it wasn't really expensive. I used one of those convenience checks that has zero interest until Nov 2006. So it looks like I have a few months to pay this off!

Part of me wants to feel so bad about it, but then there is this other part of me that says...you only get one life! If I have to scrimp and save to pay this trip off, so be it! I can make some serious sacrifices to save a couple hundred dollars a month.

This was the rationale behind it all... I recently witnessed a really good friend die of cancer at 46. He was a friend and mentor, and it destroyed me to see him so rapidly deteriorate. It was tragic and heartbreaking, and it really makes you think about life. If I were to go at 46, would I have done all the things that I have wanted to in life? I don't want to have any regrets, and I feel that if I didn't take this trip, I would have regretted it. I never took a honeymoon with my husband, and I feel like I spend most of my time at work. nights. weekends. I want some time with him, to enjoy us and to enjoy life.

But then there is this other part of me that reminded me that I have this whole little community--the women in red--and that they are all rooting for me. Helping me find my financial bearings, guiding me through some torrential financial waters. And I feel like I have let everyone down. I feel tremendously guilty.

So say what you will, hopefully ya'll aren't too harsh on me. hey mon, I'm goin to Jamaica mon!

3:56 PM | Blog it

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	sheawrote: Good luck to you, dear! I actually took a cash advance for small business against my failing bookstore six years ago to buy a cruise around the world. It was ridiculously expensive and ruined my finances for about three and a half years, but it saved me from a serious mental nervous breakdown, and probably kept me alive and sane and out of a hospital. Sometimes, it really is worth it to through caution to the wind and go for it! May 1
	C wrote: http://biz.yahoo.com/usat/060519/13559331.html?.v=5 May 23
	Chada wrote: Having complete financial security doesn't mean that you'll always live in a mansion, shop at Chanel, and eat at the Ivy every night. It doesn't mean that disaster won't befall you or that you won't have financial setbacks. But it does mean that you have a way of dealing with it. If I lost my house and job today, it would devastating, but I could pull through because I have a plan. I have emergency funds that cover 3 months of living expenses (food, shelter, insurance, and clothes), enough other savings that I could replace my car, and excellent credit so I could find loans to get through the rest. From there I would find another job, re-look my finances and make sure I have a way to still retire. KJK -- you're absolutely right that I can't control what happens to me, but I can absolutely control how I deal with it and how it affects me. For me, that is complete financial security, and it is possible to have it. May 22
	kjk wrote: You can partailly control your financial destines. But things happen - go interview people in New Orleans, who had flood insurance and no debt - but who lost their homes and/or their jobs and can't rebuild. Yes prepare yourself - but don't fool yourself into thinking that you can prepare for everything. Life happens May 22
	Chada wrote: There is such a thing as complete financial security. It means that you've planned for disaster -- any kind of disaster -- and have a way to work through it. In order to have this security, you have to live below your means consistently, even when your income rises or falls. If you are realistic about your means, and take the right steps against catastrophe, then you won't worry about money. I think it's irresponsible to say that we can't control our financial destinies -- the choices we make about money now will ultimately set up what choices we have in the future. May 22
	k wrote: Just one thing that struck me - there is no such thing as "complete financial security" - we can plan and save and avoid debt and do everything right and it may still not be enough. Loss of jobs/serious illness/death of parent/spouse/child/natural disasters. Anything can - and frankly - will happen. Yes balance is key - saving and living. Vacations don't have to be fancy/expensive - any my vacation - that looks fancy/expensive may not be because of my planning, etc. May 22
	Chada wrote: Hi Stephanie . . . I think I am going to be one of the few in this blog who will offer a not-so-cheery view of taking the trip to Jamaica. I'm not judging -- I think people need to make their own choices with their money, and ultimately, they need to find the balance that works for them. I want to offer my condolences on the loss of your mentor . . . I've never experienced something like that in my life, and perhaps going through something like that will change my point of view. For now, though, I am a die-hard saver. I would rather forgo some fancy trips now in order to have peace-of-mind and complete financial security. I've been practicing this since college, and although my husband and I may have missed out on some cruises and beach vacations in our 20s, we aren't quite 30 yet and almost at a point where we can finance our 401ks and IRAs and still have some left over for a fancy trip a year (we don't have any debt besides our mortgage). Balance is really important, but so is financial security. I just think it's important to be realistic about what you really want financially down the road. If your trip to Jamaica doesn't interfere with your retirement/house buying/child-rearing/education goals, then it's a fine choice. If it does though, perhaps it's a trip you shouldn't be taking. May 22
	Lita wrote: Stephanie, just like you and your husband, my husband and I never took our honeymoon after we got married. We took a long weekend to Disney World because that was all we could afford. We didn't have a wedding. We only went to the court house one Friday afternoon to get married. So far I can say I didn't regret everything. I love my husband very much regardless our money situation. We didn't have that much money at that time. It was 3 years ago and now I make 3 times what I made 3 years ago. I feel like I owe us a big honeymoon. Last year, we took a week-long vacation to Ashville, North Carolina. It was our first big trip in years! I managed to save some of my bonus from work for the trip so we were able to splurge a little while we were there. This year, I plan to take my husband to a cruise and give him a very special birthday getaway. In the meantime, I am also saving my money to take a big vacation for our "honeymoon" next year. I hope you enjoy your "honeymoon" in Jamaica. Who knows I might decide to go there too next year! :) May 20
	Stephanie-SAS wrote: Mia, I would second the advice that you take a trip that has little expense, do you have friends/relatives that you haven't seen in a while who would really enjoy a visit? Do they have room for you to stay with them? Some of the most rewarding trips I have made include simply being with my loved ones in their homes, and leisurely being part of their day-to-day life for awhile. The closeness has remained long after the trip ended. Other trips I have taken to hike, camp, kayak, etc. provide my best memories and inspire me while I sit strapped to this keyboard the rest of the year. Some ideas: grand canyon (north rim), coastal british columbia, columbia river gorge (OR/WA border), any of the amazing parks in Utah, and my favorite Glacier National Park (MO) with the best portion on the Canadian side. Have fun and enjoy, just cheaply... May 19
	Liz wrote: Mia- Lynne makes an excellent point; earlier this year I had a "use it or lose it" ticket that I'd already paid for, and after doing the math, I decided it made more sense to lose it than use it. It just about killed me, because I'd paid $340 for it, and I'm on a fairly strict budget (new homeowner) but there was no way to transfer the ticket or reschedule it without paying a $100 change fee, and there was no way I could work the timing out to take a vacation at the time (new job), so when I looked at the cost of even a weekend trip, it just didn't make any sense. Think of all the little expenses that add up during a trip: airport parking, taxi, rental car, hotel room, meals, pet-sitting (I have an elderly pet), entertainment once you're there--and am I the only one who uses a vacation as an excuse to go shopping beforehand for a new swimsuit or dress or pair of shoes...? It adds up. And you still have to come home and face the music--I really wanted to convince myself that I "needed" to use that ticket I'd already paid for, but when I thought about the financial position I'd be in when I returned from vacation, it was pretty obvious that I'd be throwing good money after bad, and that I'd get more value from a vacation if I waited until I was in a better financial position to take one. It's totally demoralizing to come back from a trip and realize you've just dug yourself into a hole--I know, because I used to take vacations first and worry about paying for them later! Only you can know what's right for you, but before you make your decision, stop for a moment to think honestly about whether a vacation makes sense right now. I hate to sound so negative, because I believe in having fun--really! But I feel a bond with you when you write about your conflicting feelings of wanting to save yet wanting to spend spend spend--I also swing back and forth on this issue, and it's always a struggle for me to rein in my spending. So I have to sound the cautionary note, even if others are telling you to just go for it, because it's so easy to rationalize expenditures rather than actually thinking things all the way through. I love your columns and your blogging, and I want you to know that I'm rooting for you and all the Women In Red!!! Thanks for being brave enough to tackle the whole issue of debt/spending/money in an honest and open way--and ignore all those meanies who wrote such hateful things about your "cost of parenthood" column--do they kiss their kids with those mouths? :) May 18
	Lynne wrote: Oops. I meant eat the cost of the tix, since it is already spent, not eat the cost of the trip. May 18
	Lynne wrote: Onyx, I had to laugh, I went through that phase. During that time, I got a $200 gift card for a mall, and I couldn't even force myself to use it frivolously (well, I bought a $10 top that was very trendy and I only wore a couple of times) You will eventually start to trust yourself to buy things you enjoy and not go overboard. I promise. Mia - I know those tickets are tempting, but here are a few things to consider. Are they transferrable, i.e. could you give them to a parent/sibling to use in return for some of their miles for a trip later or something like that? Can you talk to the airlines about extending the deadline for using the tix, sometimes you can for a small fee or if they are feeling generous for free. Can you use the tix to go somewhere very low COL, so your other costs are low (camping? House sitting? Visit friends who have a guest room?) Finally, the tix are a sunk cost, meaning (if the above doesn't work) nothing you can do can return their value to you. So if you are anxious about not having funds for taking a trip using the tix, just eat the cost. it will be less expensive. May 18
	KAS wrote: Mia - your trip idea is actually a bit different - so if I may amend my thoughts for you. Having the tickets makes a trip cheaper (make sure there is no change/rebooking fee) but can you afford the rest of the trip (either with cash or a 0% card that gets paid off before interest kicks in) AND have the EF fund with school starting? Maybe it it worth waiting a bit - saving money - and going on the trip over Thanksgiving when a break will really be needed! May 18
	onyx wrote: Hello Stephanie, I am a jamaican living in South America and I understand exactly how you feel. Three years ago I had more than U$3000 dollars in credit card debt, a car loan that I paid late every month as well as other small personal debt. I decided to take drastic measures. After cutting up the cards and giving back the car I made a deal with the bank about both the car and the credit cards. I started my three year avoidance of malls, cinemas, restaurants and any other retail establishment except for the supermarket once a week. I entered when I had little time to browse, list in hand ..in and out in 15 flat. IT WORKED!!!! I have not bought anything outside of necessities in this time paid off ALL my debt and was feeling proud of myself. I work for myself and have no company fund in which to participate so my savings are mainly held in cash in a low interest account because I havent taken the step with the risk of high interest investments yet . Now I am completely debt free living on cash . SO...whats my problem? ...I think have become addicted...if that is possible....Now if I buy a box of chocolcate I panic and feel guilty ...forget a blouse or coat.....jewellry ...unheard of...I would absolutely die....now what...I have a nice "little" nest egg but seem to have developed some kind of spending panic syndrome as I feel like a recovering alcoholic...if I spend just once maybe the situation will return. I think you should be happy in being able to keep the balance and of course keep in tuned to it as you obviously are.......watch that November date!!! btw....I hope you enjoyed Jamaica........ May 18
	Mia wrote: I'm always fascinated by which topics raise everyone's blood pressure--not to say their hackles. I guess this one gets under people's skin because it's such a constant tug-of-war in our lives: We ALL (except maybe miss jill) juggle the need for some pleasure with the need for financial discipline. that's meat and potatoes of what--half? 2/3? All?-- of our discussions here. In fact, I've been wrestling with this very same identical topic myself. <p>My husband and I are on track to pay down the rest of our debt by end of year--or we may break down, sell his little bit o' Coke stock and pay it off early (more on that later)--but we also have these two plane tickets we need to use by the end of the year from a trip we had to cancel. DH is headed to school in September, so we have to use 'em or lose 'em soon. But just having the tix doesn't give us the other funds for a vacation. I did some math today, and we -can- manage something inexpensive like PR or CA. but what is really swaying me is the blog! all you guys saying to steph--hey! go for it! life is short and you can handle this--(i mean, except for jill, duly noted). <p>Still, to be honest, i'm struggling. we haven't had a proper vacation in a couple of years. Yet this isn't the best time to have to go away--in some ways i'd rather put the money toward some more stuff for the house or the debt. But if we go, i know we'll be glad we did--and all those other goals will still be accomplished. i'm not planning a five-star safari or anything. so...sigh...these things are hard. May 18

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